About the Author

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Plainville, CT, United States
Having achieved my goal of becoming a published author, I contribute it to the fact that I have been writing since the age of 9. My boys were the inspiration for my children's stories and my life is the inspiration for my autobiography. I have a tendency to write about whatever I feel, relevant, interesting or not. I welcome any comments you may have, positive or constructive. Thank you so much for visiting and following my blog, My life.

Saturday, May 21, 2016

Once In a Lifetime.....or is it?

Being the middle child, life at home proved to have its challenges so at the age of 15, I went to live with relatives in another state.
With a 4 year old cousin as my new shadow, life presented new challenges but this time they took on a whole new meaning.  Little did I know that my biggest challenge was yet to come.

Everyone has that "zing" in their life.  That time when you meet someone, look into their eyes, see their smile, and you just "zing". Well, this is my "zing" story.  Now mind you this was quite some time ago. I may not get every detail correct so bear with me and I'll try to get as close to accurate as possible.

We went to visit another aunt and uncle for a birthday. I'm going to try to refrain the best I can from using names for privacy reasons so I'll try not to lose you with all the "he's" and "she's".  This was the first time I met them.....and him.

I don't know if he saw me right away but I most certainly saw him and then he was asked to say hi to me by his parents. He turned around, looked at me, smiled and said "hi!".  Yup. the zing. right then, right there. I don't know if he was going somewhere at that moment, but he didn't leave right away after that.  We talked for a bit, then he left.  Of course the rest of my night was filled with thoughts of where did he go, was he coming back, would I see him again, etc.  The look on my face must have said it all because my Aunt very clearly stated "Don't even think about it."

I did see him several times after that both at his house and mine.  One of the visits was at Christmas and he gave me a yellow rose in a glass vase. I absolutely loved that rose and I carried it with me for years after that, until it finally broke and the rose got so tattered I had no choice but to throw it away.

We started spending a lot of time together. A lot of time.  I guess it was a little too much for comfort because my uncle pulled him aside and told him that he shouldn't be talking to me.  I got the same talk too.  I think, but I'm not sure, his parents may have said something similar as well because my aunt told me that his dad didn't want to see me get hurt.  Why?  Well you see, I was 15 and he was 23.  A 23 year old man doesn't just "fall in love" with a 15 year old high school girl.

While the age difference was clearly the reason for all the "talks" we had with the adults, it still didn't change the fact that we had feelings for each other, or at least I did.  I always thought he did as well, only for the reason that if he had other intentions and wanted to try something, he would have by then but he didn't.  He was always a gentleman so why should I think anything different?

I ended up going back home to my mothers house after that school year and I was absolutely devastated.  I knew that we were being kept apart because of our ages, but I knew that I loved him. This wasn't a school girl crush.  I was absolutely devastated.  I thought I would never see him again.

Now fast forward two years.  I finished high school, met someone else and moved back to Connecticut.  I started out living with  my grandparents but hey, they're my grandparents you know?  So after a little while I ended up living with one of my girlfriends because I didn't want anything to mar my relationship with my grandparents.

I don't know how it happened, but I think I went to visit my cousin and that's when I saw him again. I do remember the smile I got when he saw me.  My heart did the fluttering thing, the whole butterflies in the belly thing all over again.  He came to visit me where I was living and once again the "he's too old for you, be careful.  They only want one thing." I was 17 by that point and still, he remained a perfect gentleman.

We went out a couple more times, one of those times being a small carnival.  On the ride home, we stopped somewhere and just sat there for a while and just talked.  He asked me if I wanted to go sit on the grass so we grabbed a blanket and did just that.  That's when he kissed me for the first time.  I mean REALLY kissed me.  Even at this point he remained a gentleman. Gentle, never tried to take advantage of me in any way.  He asked me if he could be with me, asked me if I wanted to, am I sure, at least a dozen times.  That was a night I will never, ever forget.  Ever.

I think that was the last time we were ever together.  I don't know what happened after that.  Maybe its because I don't care to remember.  All I know is that again, I was devastated.  My heart was broken into a million pieces and I didn't think it would ever mend again.

About 6 years later I did see him, but this time I was married with kids.  It was at my aunts funeral unfortunately.  The minute I saw him I knew that I still loved him very, very much but it was something I would have to keep to myself.  Again, we had to go our separate ways.  This time, I was pretty sure I wouldn't ever see him again. There were no more family ties left to connect me to him. (before you get any wild ideas, he's adopted)

Fast forward 25 years.  Being through one marriage, the second on the downhill slide, a couple kids and now grandchildren, I found myself surfing facebook, for him. In the 30 years I have known him, I never stopped thinking about him.  I always wondered where he was, what he was doing, was he married, did he have any kids, etc.  In one way or another, He was always on my mind.

I eventually found someone that could be him but I wasn't sure so I sent a message with some identifying characteristics of how  I would know him and expressing my sincerest apologies if he were not who I was looking for. After a couple days went by with no response, I chalked it up as not the person I was looking for and shrugged it off.

When he finally did respond, my heart started racing.  It was him.  He was THE ONE.  I never told him how I felt when I was a girl because I figured it was only one sided and if I told him, I'd get the "we're only friends" line.  I didn't want to hear that so I kept my feelings to myself.  Apparently he did too.  The feelings were the same, so apparently YES, a 23 year old man CAN fall in love with a 15 year old high school girl, and still love her just as much 30 years later.

My one true love in this whole world that I never ever thought I would speak to again, is now back in my life and making me feel very much loved. This time, I am never, ever going to let him go.

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