A Very Important Life Lesson Learned......The Hard Way

With everything that has been going on the past couple of days, I think I can finally say that "I hope its over". After being silently and indirectly accused of writing a blog that I certainly did not write, the whole fiasco has finally come to its fruition.

When I was first confronted about the blog, I was a little shocked, but more so disappointed at the fact that I was believed to have been the "author".  I did the only thing I could do - reassure the caller that I did NOT write the blog, I would contact blogger/Google and report it if I could, and would certainly try to find out who it was that wrote it, as now, I was in the spotlight for something I didn't do.
Of course, I commented on the blog in a positive nature, because honestly, it brought me a little bit of joy. Mean?  No, I don't think so.  Just the thought that someone was doing what I knew I wouldn't have the balls to do, fascinated me for just a short moment.

I tried to report it, but it would have had to have been illegal, spam, impersonating someone, etc. so all I could do was email them to express my opinion, let them know that it was targeting me as the author, indirectly targeting people that are not   I also made it PERFECTLY clear on Facebook that I was NOT the author.  It didn't take long for Google to contact the author as the next day there was a post apologizing.  Things just weren't sitting right with me at this point.  The more I read the blog, the more it made my stomach turn.  The information was eerily familiar to me, and it was then that I realized what had happened.

Back in July of 2012 when I lost my job, I confided in a friend that I had met 8 years ago.  I considered her a good friend, close.  We talked often, she would vent to me, I would vent to her and we became really good friends.  Well, I vented to her after I lost my job.  Telling her that IF I wanted to get back at them  I have SO much information about their business practices, the service manager "embezzling" etc. that I could really ruin their reputation.  Unfortunately for me, I went into detail, not realizing that her "journalist" side was anxious for a hot story apparently.

I confided in her, I vented to her and she betrayed my trust, my confidence and ruined our friendship.  Good intentions or not (she apparently felt she was helping me), she caused a lot of problems because the owner of the company was blaming me for the blog. Oh sure she has tried to apologize, telling me she wasn't thinking, etc. but I just can not forgive her right now for what she did.  She could have done something that would have caused a lot of good people to lose their jobs and THAT is the reason that I didn't do anything.

Hopefully now everything is done and over with.  She has "apologized", taken down the blog and "promised" that she did nothing else with it as she claimed she was going to.  This incident has opened up my eyes and taught me a very valuable lesson.    TRUST NO ONE. Unfortunately I had to learn it the hard way, but I think life has been trying to tell me that for a while now.  It just took this long for me to listen.

Despite everything, I'm sure that my past employer still thinks it was me.  After all the years of loyal service I put into that company (I even passed up on an offer with a different company, making a little more money because I actually liked my job), you would think they would know me better than that.  Actually it really doesn't mater what they think because I know the truth.  That's what matters and if that isn't good enough for them, they can kiss my unemployed ass.

WOW! Reality just slapped me in the face....I think.......

Ever have one of those days that just isn't going well and then you get a big SMACK in the face that puts the cherry on top of the sundae?  Lets chalk today up as one of those days.

I got a call on my cell phone, a missed call from a woman that I used to work with. Someone that I consider a very dear friend and would do anything for.  She didn't leave a message so I called her at work, not knowing what it was all about.

When she answered the phone, there was the usual exchange of pleasantries and then came the smack.  And what a big one at that.  I don't think I was expecting what came next.  She asked me if I was the one that wrote the blog.......

A couple months ago, one of my facebook friends brought something to my attention.  A blog on the internet regarding the company I used to work for.  I read it and for a moment it actually gave me pleasure to see someone writing something bad about the company. What can I say?  I was there for 11 years, I go in on a Monday, work for four flipping hours and THEN I'm told that "my position with the company has been terminated effective immediately". Anger, Hate, Frustration - minimal to say the least.  And NOW I am getting accused, as indirectly as it may be, of writing this blog......

I did assure her that I didn't write it (although secretly i wish i had the balls to), but I don't think she believed me.  What can I say. While I harbor MANY bad feelings about the company, I'm not a piece of shit.  I don't go around destroying peoples lives that don't deserve it.  I may make a comment here and there about how nice it is to be "appreciated" for all the years of service by making me work for 4 hours before telling me i don't have a job any more. Or how nice it must be to have the service department pay for your home central AC system. But to go so low as to post on the internet things that could effect every single employee of the company?  Give me a break!  I need these people as references. Why the hell would I post shit and then expect them to give me a good reference?

It just goes to show you that no matter what kind of person you are, there is always ONE person that fucks it all up for you - and I'm NOT talking about the friend that asked me if I wrote it. She was very hurt and disappointed to even think that I would do something like that so she had to ask me, I know that. But I can assure you that the other "factions", that were so kind enough to rid me of my employment are most positive that I was the one that wrote it.

I don't know if the blog is still there, and because of the content, I am not going to post the link, but I did post the "author" and told her that I was reporting it to blogger because it was personally attacking me at this point.  I don't know what good it is going to do because Blogger/Google supports freedom of speech - which is why there is blogger. I can ask that it be taken down, as there are only two posts up.  Both from February of this year.  Nothing more.  Its almost as though it was a blogger wanna-be that never went anywhere.
I may not be a pro-blogger, but even I know that to have a successful blog, you have to post to it more than twice in 3 months.......

Well, I guess to sum it all up, I am in the hot seat for something I didn't do, so I had to send an email to one of the two people that I loathe the most over there at that company, and explain that it wasn't me and if I were to stoop to that level, I would have called their customers to expose them and would have given a story to a friggen local newspaper....... to hell with a blog.  They don't do shit. UNLESS they are shown to the right, or wrong people.  Depending on how you are looking at it.

Apparently this isn't going to blow over any time soon.  Who the hell knows when the blog is going to come down, or if it even will.  No matter how I feel about the company, I wouldn't stoop to that level.........even if it DID make me smile, just a little to read it.

Catching the curve ball

Its a bittersweet moment when you realize that you no longer have a job to go to every morning.  That same routine that you repeated over, and over, and over again for 12 years suddenly disappears.  There is that part of you that sighs a breath of relief that your day wont be so hectic any more, but then there is that other part of you that shouts OMG! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO????
Now its number crunching time (yay for me the math major).  First we bundle the cable phone and internet and save ourselves 75.00 a month.  Then, we loose the data on one of the cell phones.  Mine.  I'm usually on the computer anyway and it can still pick up the internet if i am connected to a wifi.  Another 30 bucks a month.  Now to Verizon.  The mobile broadband we use when we travel to the outer edges of civilization in Northern Vermont and Maine.  Suspend that for 6 months and save another 67.00 a month.
Now on to unemployment....Have you ever dealt with unemployment before?  You may as well wrap a rubber band around your head and attach the phone to your ear because you are going to be on the phone for a long time. That is IF you can even get anywhere.  Now its all about what number your social ends with.  Oh sure you can file the claim on line, but if you don't have all the information and want to go back, you have to wait until the day that corresponds with the last digit of your social.  I mean, really????
Oh well, who am I to judge the way the great state of Connecticut handles their affairs.  I just live here.
Then you realize that there are things you wanted to do this year that you probably won't be able to do now.  You need to pinch every single penny.  No money can be spent making your dreams come true.  Once again, they go on the back burner.  You are in survival mode now because you used to be the big bread winner.  Now you are low man on the financial totem pole but you still have a family to provide for and bills to pay. So now the hunt is on for a job.  Tweek that 12 year old resume, get on CT Jobs and see whats out there. Try to squeeze into those business suits you used to wear and find something that fits in hopes someone will call you in for an interview. Then, just wait. clean your house, hunt for more jobs, cry a little, throw things, bury your face in a pillow and cry some more.  Then, get up, and try to figure out what you are going to do with yourself for the rest of the day.
Yeah, people say it will all work out in the end, something will come up, but thats easy for them to say.  THEY have a job......... I'm "old".  What employer is going to pick me over a sassy lil thang that just got out of college and now has letters after her name. I mean what IS it about those letters? I can run CIRCLES around these little sassy britches who think they know how to sit behind a desk just because they have a piece of paper.  I was sitting behind a desk and busting my hump when they were still playing with barbie dolls.
Oh well, I guess life has a way of throwing you curve balls.  Guess all that matters now is if you are going to try to catch it and move on, or stay where you are and get knocked on your ass. Personally - i played varsity softball....and i still have my glove.

Society vs. ASD - Ignorance at its Best - Part II

So now the battle begins.  At this point, Erik was in 9th grade.  TEN years after the normal age of diagnosis for Aspergers.  I had a lot on my plate to deal with and had to prove people wrong that were supposed to be knowledgeable.  People that were supposed to provide for my special needs son when he stepped through the school doors, but were in fact trying desperately to prove that they didn't have any obligation to provide for him.  With so many years of being told by school officials that Erik was too "normal" for Aspergers, now I had the documented proof that they were wrong.  I was not well liked to begin with because I fought for my child, made them listen to me and I didn't take no for an answer.  I called IEP meetings out of the blue if I felt that Erik was being treated unfairly, that his needs were not being met, if his academics were poor (i.e. grades) amongst others. I had to be Erik's best advocate because no one else was going to be. I knew that the next thing I had to do was going to be difficult.

I gathered up what information I could, wrote up a summary of a plan that I wanted to see put in place for Erik and called an IEP meeting.  As I thought I would be, I was met with resistance, reasoning was demanded of me, but I finally got a date without having to go into too much detail.  The element of surprise was going to be my ally, but I needed some help to pull it off.

Now you need to know something about me.  I don't get upset easily, but when I do, I get very, very upset.  When I say upset, I mean angry.  I cry when I am angry.  I don't know why, I always have.  I also get extremely hot headed.  I knew that this could be my downfall so I wanted to be sure that I had someone there with me that could keep my emotions in check. I was basically alone in this as I was divorced and Erik's father was useless when it came to this kind of stuff.  I recently remarried but with Bill not being Erik's father, I didn't want to burden him with this. My family was all out of state so bringing one of them was just not an option so I did what I THOUGHT was the next best thing.  I brought a "professional" advocate with me. Oh I sat on my computer and googled advocates for hours.  I finally found one that was well known, had many years of experience and specialized in advocating for children with disabilities. Not knowing that there was FREE service available to me that provided advocates, I ended up paying this woman 100.00 an hour for her services.

Jean was well known within the Plainville school district and I was about to find that out.  When we entered the conference room at the high school, jaws dropped and Jean very calmly said hello to each member of the team, calling them all by name. Nice. I had a feeling that this wasn't going to go as bad as I thought it was. I was questioned by the Special Education director as to why I felt it was necessary to bring an advocate with me as she explained that they were doing everything they could to work with me and make sure that Erik received proper services.  With a simple "now is not the time, your question will be answered shortly", we began the meeting.  After several "I don't know why you called this meeting, we are helping Erik's needs get met, we are following his plan, in addition to other statements, I presented them with "I called this meeting because I have taken it upon myself to bring Erik to an outside Psychiatrist to have him evaluated.  As you are all aware, I have mentioned several times over the years that he be evaluated and tested for Autism.  Because he was normal as far as you were concerned, you dismissed my request stating that I didn't have all the facts.  Well now I do.  Erik was formally diagnosed with Autism.  Aspergers Disorder specifically, as well as PDD-NOS.(Pervasive Developmental Disorder not otherwise specified) Now a new plan will be put into place for him that will include services appropriate for Aspergers."  Talk about jaws dropping.  I felt very proud at that point.  I knew that (for lack of a better phrase) I had them by the balls now.  Game on, ball in my court.

At first not much was said.  Oh we went round and round about what services I "felt" he needed, what the district felt they were and were not responsible for providing (i.e. pretty much everything that was not academically related from their stand point) and what I wanted out of this. I was fully prepared with an outline of a program with him, services that need to be provided to my son that the district is responsible for providing (per CT State law) and how I would like them implemented.  I got a firm "we aren't going to do this".  My reply to that was "And now the answer to your question Ms. Schiffer.  THIS is why I felt it necessary to bring an advocate."  I'm not going to go into full detail about the meeting. All I am going to say in summary is that Jean took over at that point, we made some concessions and modifications to the outlined plan that I provided and in the end, it was implemented into this IEP.  Going into further detail about the meeting really isn't necessary to get my point across.  I just wanted to add enough detail to show you that even though you are fully prepared and know specifically that State law governs what services the district has to provide, you are still going to get resistance from those in upper management/positions because now they know that they have to spend money.  It isn't about the kids any more.  It's not about what is best for them, it is clearly what is best for the budget.

These types of IEP meetings went on for the next three years with Erik. Some services were provided, others were not.  We went back and forth with his program, omitting one, adding another. With the late diagnosis, we really had a hard time finding a plan that would work as quickly as we needed it to.  The district was grasping at straws, trying to comply as they were legally obligated to, but also trying to spend as little money as possible.  I don't think that the team ever fully understood Aspergers.  I printed out as much material as I could to help them, but I think they saw it in a negative way.  AI's have a primary area of focus that they excel in.  Erik's is computers and electronics.  He loves to write (just like his mom!) so instead of using this as encouragement, if he did something that got him an in school suspension or detention, they took away his computer privileges for months at a time thinking that they would get through to him that way.  Despite my urging and prompting to use the computer as a reward, implementing the computer into his academics (i.e. writing assignments to be done on the computer, a PDA to be used for his schedule and homework assignments etc. I was given an explanation that a PDA is not allowed because it is an electronic device.  Personal devices are not allowed in school. Under the CT Special Education Laws, If an electronic device is necessary due to a disability, it is allowed in school.   Why is it that I know this, but school officials, that are heads of the Special Education Department do not?  It was beginning to become clear to me.  Despite the claim of knowledge of Autism, the claim of being "certified" to work with children that were on the spectrum, I realized that I was clearly dealing with ignorant people and it didn't seem as though it was going to change any time soon.

Society vs. ASD-Ignorance at its Best-Part I

Autism. That word can send shivers down the spine of steel.  But what is it really?  You know, with all the research and development, theories and probabilities, I don't think anyone really knows. Sure they can all speculate but do they really know what Autism is?

Now excuse me if I am not politically correct on a lot of terms, I am not an expert.  I am just a mom. And my son has Autism.

The general consensus on Autism is that the child or individual cannot function in society, can not speak, is disruptive and cannot process the simplest of things. This strikes fear in  many people. All that they see is someone that is different.  They do not see the extraordinary person that is inside. They do not know that loving individual who does not have the capacity to hate.  They do not know that generally intelligent individual who, if for lack of a better term, has a brain that has a short circuit somewhere and is in need of a software upgrade.  An upgrade that has yet to be written.  

Many people do not realize that autistic individuals are intelligent.  Those individuals that appear to "not be able to process anything" are in fact processing everything.  They lack the ability to separate and block out that which is not important or significant at the moment. Put yourself in their shoes.  You are at work in a busy office. You hear all the phones that are ringing, you hear each individual having a conversation on their phone, you hear the clicking of pens, the sipping of coffee, the voices of co-workers walking by, staplers stapling, etc. all simultaneously. YOU CANT MAKE IT STOP!  You cant sort everything out and you can't find your voice in all that jumble.  All you can do is blurt out a word or two, a noise here and there to express yourself.  You want to tell someone that you love them but all you can manage is a verbal blurb. Its not an easy life for AI's (Autistic Individuals),  But because we don't understand them, we shun them because they seem "different".

That's the extreme level on the Autism Spectrum.

Over the years there have been many diagnosis of different levels of functioning with Autism.  So now the diagnosis is not "Autism" but "Autism Spectrum Disorder" or ASD.  Different levels of functioning.  We go from low functioning, such as an extreme case of Autism to the high functioning Aspergers Syndrome/Disorder.  These AI's, seem normal in all aspects of their functioning.  They just get labeled as lazy, sloppy, stinky, dumb, weird and dopey. Enter Erik.  My son.

Most children are diagnosed with Autism when they are young.  Around 4 or 5 years of age.  Instead, Erik was diagnosed as psychotic, delusional, bipolar, and oh yes. Lets not forget the universal "we really don't know what is wrong" diagnosis.....ADD.  Keep in mind that Autism was not amongst the realm of possibilities because Erik was a normal kid.  He wasn't stupid. He had a high IQ. He had an extensive vocabulary.  He didn't have outbursts for what seemed like no apparent reason.  He could function.  So we just go with whatever we can find that might fit the symptoms at the time.  

To make a long story short, Erik did not receive the correct services when he was going through school.  I brought up Aspergers time and time again but the district stood their ground. He didn't have autism.  He was normal.  

Finally, after gathering enough information, I took him to a private psychiatrist.  He interviewed Erik and myself individually, then together.  I took a test, filled in some bubbles.  He gave Erik some tests.  Guess what the diagnosis was?  Aspergers Syndrome/Disorder. Along with PDD.  FINALLY the diagnosis that would help my son. But did it come too late? 

For Erik, implementing services when he was in high school was going to be tricky.  I knew I had a lengthy battle on my hands and I also knew that I wasn't going to be able to fight this battle on my own.........