Labels

About the Author

My photo
Plainville, CT, United States
Having achieved my goal of becoming a published author, I contribute it to the fact that I have been writing since the age of 9. My boys were the inspiration for my children's stories and my life is the inspiration for my autobiography. I have a tendency to write about whatever I feel, relevant, interesting or not. I welcome any comments you may have, positive or constructive. Thank you so much for visiting and following my blog, My life.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Catching the curve ball


Its a bittersweet moment when you realize that you no longer have a job to go to every morning.  That same routine that you repeated over, and over, and over again for 12 years suddenly disappears.  There is that part of you that sighs a breath of relief that your day wont be so hectic any more, but then there is that other part of you that shouts OMG! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO????
Now its number crunching time (yay for me the math major).  First we bundle the cable phone and internet and save ourselves 75.00 a month.  Then, we loose the data on one of the cell phones.  Mine.  I'm usually on the computer anyway and it can still pick up the internet if i am connected to a wifi.  Another 30 bucks a month.  Now to Verizon.  The mobile broadband we use when we travel to the outer edges of civilization in Northern Vermont and Maine.  Suspend that for 6 months and save another 67.00 a month.
Now on to unemployment....Have you ever dealt with unemployment before?  You may as well wrap a rubber band around your head and attach the phone to your ear because you are going to be on the phone for a long time. That is IF you can even get anywhere.  Now its all about what number your social ends with.  Oh sure you can file the claim on line, but if you don't have all the information and want to go back, you have to wait until the day that corresponds with the last digit of your social.  I mean, really????
Oh well, who am I to judge the way the great state of Connecticut handles their affairs.  I just live here.
Then you realize that there are things you wanted to do this year that you probably won't be able to do now.  You need to pinch every single penny.  No money can be spent making your dreams come true.  Once again, they go on the back burner.  You are in survival mode now because you used to be the big bread winner.  Now you are low man on the financial totem pole but you still have a family to provide for and bills to pay. So now the hunt is on for a job.  Tweek that 12 year old resume, get on CT Jobs and see whats out there. Try to squeeze into those business suits you used to wear and find something that fits in hopes someone will call you in for an interview. Then, just wait. clean your house, hunt for more jobs, cry a little, throw things, bury your face in a pillow and cry some more.  Then, get up, and try to figure out what you are going to do with yourself for the rest of the day.
Yeah, people say it will all work out in the end, something will come up, but thats easy for them to say.  THEY have a job......... I'm "old".  What employer is going to pick me over a sassy lil thang that just got out of college and now has letters after her name. I mean what IS it about those letters? I can run CIRCLES around these little sassy britches who think they know how to sit behind a desk just because they have a piece of paper.  I was sitting behind a desk and busting my hump when they were still playing with barbie dolls.
Oh well, I guess life has a way of throwing you curve balls.  Guess all that matters now is if you are going to try to catch it and move on, or stay where you are and get knocked on your ass. Personally - i played varsity softball....and i still have my glove.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The Road to Sunshine



The Road to Sunshine
By MJ Williams

           
I have never thought of myself as old, and I still don’t.  I can certainly put my body through the wringer every now and then, as my mind tells me I am one age and my body asks what the heck do I think I’m doing!

I yearn at times to be “young” again, and I am speaking of chronological age, as well as physical body and ability.  To be able to run and play endlessly, eat anything I want and not gain weight, stay up late, sleep late, or if I choose, be up before the sun.  Not a care in the world.  The innocence of youth……..yes, I do yearn for it.  Then I ask myself, do I REALLY want to be a child again?  Sometimes I can fool myself into saying yes, but I know that if given the chance, I wouldn’t change a thing.

During my childhood,  I have certainly had my fair share of mishaps, bad luck, and heartbreaks.  Losing a beloved pet.  Breaking three fingers on my right hand horsing around with my little sister. (even though we weren’t supposed to be in the house), my first crush on a boy, only to find out that he liked my older sister.  Getting into the teen years and adulthood were even more interesting.  Splitting my knee open diving into home plate during a high school softball game.  Getting my first car, and losing it a day later because my stepfather wanted to drive it instead.  Moving in with my aunt and uncle at the age of 16, my grandmother at the age of 17, my friends from church at the age of 18 and 6 months later moving in with my fiancé.  Married at the age of 19, one son at the age of 20 and another son at the age of 22.  Thinking about it all, I never really had a chance to experience life.

Would I change anything?  No,  not at all.  I have two wonderful boys, and now I have a wonderful husband. (my second marriage).  I snowmobile; we take our dog Sadie out on the boat with us.  We go camping. Our lives are just so full!  Is our marriage perfect?  Of course not.  We say things in anger that we regret afterwards.  We both came from previous relationships that scarred us, so there is always that residue that is tainting our completeness. Neither one of us wants to get hurt again. But we love each other.  That’s what keeps us going, moves us past those painful memories, and helps us to focus on the future.  We have had our share of heartaches, losing three beloved pets all within a year, making us feel like all the sunshine had gone out of our lives, and filled us with only rain.

I can look at all the rain in my life and focus on that, or build on bringing back the sunshine. It is a tough road to travel.  Just when I am able to take 2 steps forward, something happens that makes me have to take 4 steps back.  Frustrating?  You bet.  Sometimes I wonder what on earth is the reason for my “bad luck”.  Then I focus on my “Sunshine”.  What exactly is my Sunshine?  My husband Bill.  My younger son Erik who is autistic.  My oldest son Michael, and the fact that I am going to be a grandmother for the first time.  Michael, is in the Navy and he and his wife Jennifer are expecting their first child in October.  October 2nd to be exact.  At first I go back to the earlier part of this story and think about how “old” I am, or how “old” being a grandmother is going to make me feel, and then I think about how much Sunshine this little child will bring to my life.  Being a part of his life, (yes, it’s a boy!)  watching him grow up, seeing the joy that he will bring to my son and daughter-in-law, thinking about all the ways I can spoil him and then send him home.  Hold him in my arms and know that this is MY grandson, and he will just capture my heart.  Knowing and feeling all this, makes it possible for me to leave all the rain behind and find my way along the road to sunshine.

  
©2008 MJ Williams