About the Author

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Plainville, CT, United States
Having achieved my goal of becoming a published author, I contribute it to the fact that I have been writing since the age of 9. My boys were the inspiration for my children's stories and my life is the inspiration for my autobiography. I have a tendency to write about whatever I feel, relevant, interesting or not. I welcome any comments you may have, positive or constructive. Thank you so much for visiting and following my blog, My life.

Monday, March 18, 2013

I Would Like To Introduce You To Someone............Me

So many times we are judged, labeled or just misunderstood.  It's very sad that people don't take the time to get to know someone before passing judgement on them.  I've seen it all.  People profess to be all knowing, wonderful people that would give you the shirt off their back, but when it comes to going into the discount store and buying a blanket for the homeless man that is covered with only a coat on a cold night?  They wouldn't hear of it.  Instead?  "Maybe if they got a job they wouldn't be sleeping on the street."  or "They chose that life." What they don't know is that homeless man sleeping on the street, clutching only a photograph in his hand? Watched in horror as his pregnant wife and two children were killed by a drunk driver that ran a red light.  Or the man sleeping on the street that keeps shouting in his sleep?  Served four tours over seas since joining the service at the age of 19, watched women and children killed in front of him, his friends blown apart by grenades and land mines and has constant nightmares in which he is shouting for them to take cover.  It sickens me to know that people who claim to be compassionate, caring individuals can be so callous and judgmental.

So why am I writing this?  While my situation is not as extreme as those I portrayed in my examples, I too have been judged, labeled and misunderstood.  Now its my turn, just to introduce myself to you with the hope that you can actually see just who it is you "think" you know.

Most of the time, you will see a happy, fun person standing in front of you.  What you cannot see is that I am broken inside.  I am held together with Faith, strength, love for life itself and a will to survive. I long for the moment when I can be alone to cry.  To release the pain, the hurt, and the sorrow that you will never ever see on the outside.

I am a person that will love beyond all faults.  I do not judge you because you have faults, I look past them and see who you are inside, the real you.

There are times you see me and I am not happy.  I am frustrated, angry, loud and can sometimes be taken as being a bitch or aggressive.  When you see me like this,  I am having a hard time being strong.  I am having a hard time being compassionate.  I am having a hard time being understanding.  I seem as though I hate the world. I seem that way because inside I am fighting a battle that words cannot explain.  A battle I am fighting alone. Those are the times I feel like I am losing the battle with no one to hold my hand to give me the strength I need to continue.No one to stand by my side and tell me that I am not alone. You will never know or be able to understand the battles I am fighting, inside, alone.

I am a compassionate person.  I WILL give that poor soul sleeping outside a blanket and a cup of coffee to keep him warm.  I WILL give you a hug when no one else will, just to let you  know you are not alone.  I WILL hold your hand to give you strength, stand by your side and tell you that you are not alone.

If I am quiet, it is not because I have nothing to say, it is because I do not feel you are ready to hear and accept what I am thinking.  I will respect your feelings, even if you do not respect mine.  I will always be a good person, even if you choose not to be. I am a loyal, trusting person.  Sometimes I trust too easily.

I will never hit you, push you, belittle you or think ill will of you, even though you may  to me.  I will always stand strong, even when it hurts.  I will never let you see or let you know that the way you are treating me is one of the reasons I am so broken inside.  I will smile if you take everything away from me that makes me.......well, me  and tell you "its ok, it really doesn't matter" when in truth it matters very much.

Oh I can go on and on but this will give you an idea about me.  the REAL me, not the me that everyone thinks I am.  Sure, I am not mean, I am not aggressive, I will not fight. Does that make me a bad person because I am treated like a doormat because I will not fight?  I will not stand up for myself for fear of STARTING a fight?  Oh sure, I argue, yell etc. but I am usually the one that loses, because I give in.  I don't want to fight and if the only way to end it is to give in, so be it.

When I look back on my life, I see pain,  a lot of mistakes and heart ache. When I look forward I don't really see much different. But I move on clinging to the hope that someday, things will be different. I hide all my problems behind my smile.  You may think you know me but you really know very little about me.

Maybe that's the wrong way to look at things, I'm sure there are those that will tell me It is all my fault that I am the person I am because I let people walk all over me.  You know what? Maybe they're right but this is me.

So now its up to you.  Now that you know more about me, the real me not the me you think I am, if you like me I will be the most loyal, trusting friend you will ever have.  If your mind is made up and you still want to pass judgement on me....then maybe you aren't worth my friendship.

So here I am.  Time for you to sit back and think about whether or not you judged me fairly.  Before you make your decision, just remember this. Before you judge me, my life, my personality or my character, step  into my shoes feel the pain, the hurt, the heartache, cry the tears and live the life I am living.  Then, if you happen to get as far as I have maybe, just maybe you will realize how strong I really am and think twice before you judge me ever again.