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Plainville, CT, United States
Having achieved my goal of becoming a published author, I contribute it to the fact that I have been writing since the age of 9. My boys were the inspiration for my children's stories and my life is the inspiration for my autobiography. I have a tendency to write about whatever I feel, relevant, interesting or not. I welcome any comments you may have, positive or constructive. Thank you so much for visiting and following my blog, My life.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

The Hypocritical Jesus Bitch

It amazes me how after 40 years of graduating someone can still possess the same childish, high school behavior as they did that long ago.

I had the wonderful pleasure of being bullied in high school.  Maybe it had something to do with the fact I was a straight A student, maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was quiet.  Could even have been due to the fact that since the age of 12 I was almost 6' tall.  I'm going with all three.
The bullying and torture I endured while "enjoying" my high school years didn't come to an end until my mother felt I needed to go to a private school.  Before that happened though, my school days were a living hell.

You do what you can to survive and hope that you never have to experience the bullying again.  No on can be that lucky. Well, not me any way.

I am the type of person that really does try like hell to avoid conflict at all cost.  That's probably why I allow myself to get stepped on and treated like shit all the time.  If I stand up for myself it creates conflict, fighting and who knows what else so I just let it be and deal with it.  My day will come. Until that time, I do what I need to do to get through life with the least amount of conflict possible.

A couple days ago at work, I was having an absolutely terrible day.  I was quiet, didn't say much, just did what I had to do to get through the day so I have no idea how other people perceived it.  Apparently the HJB  perceived it as "I am a very angry person and if I don't think so I need to change my face."  huh.  Didn't think faces could be changed.  I thought the one I had was the one I was stuck with for the rest of my life.  Regardless, I said nothing, kept working.

Comments would fly between HJB and her friend that I will call Ellen.  (They used to work together at a different company as well)  I knew the comments were directed toward me however I chose to keep my mouth shut.  If I said anything, it would not be pretty. For either of us.

The straw that broke the camels back was when she called me pathetic because I can't learn via video tutorials.  I need a written outline and hands on.  that's how I learn.  I proceeded to tell her that she needs to not be so judgemental of me an it really bothers me how someone that professes to be as Godly as she does, can pass judgement so easily.  I have a lot of shit going on, I am overwhelmed at work, I am overwhelmed at home.  I am more alone than she will ever feel and I live with a man who is supposed to be my mate yet will not hesitate to call me a useless fucking cunt because I won't give him the keys to the car when he is drunk.

What I am going to say next is the reason I don't stand up for myself, I keep my mouth shut, and avoid conflict.

I was accused of having a victim mentality, which she totally abhors, I need to stop being pathetic, stop being a victim and accept the fact that made the choice to have the life I do.  then she proceeded to laugh about it with Ellen, and even share it with one of her other co workers, having a laugh with them as well.

To that, I said nothing. Do I agree with her?  Absolutely not.  A victim?  Yes.  We all are a victim of one kind or another.  I happen to be a victim of circumstance.  I did not choose to lose my job so that when the point came that when I wanted to leave, I was not able to.  I did not choose to get a job that did not pay me enough to support myself.  I did not choose to have a child that would eventually get into legal trouble and I would end up caring for his child.  Circumstances did that for me.  I can not change what has happened, I can only hope and pray that someday my circumstances will change so that I can make different choices.

To have to deal with a bully like I did in high school really pains me because no matter how old you get, it still hurts to hear comments.  It hurts to know that people are talking about you behind your back. It hurts to get put down because you don't learn the same way, or achieve the end result the same way as HJB.  I did end up going to HR to just "advise" them of the situation because I didn't know how far she would take it.  You know, had to cover MY ass first.  That's how I roll.

Of course now I am branded a tattle tale but I really don't give a shit. I can deal with the whispers when my co workers walk by me because of the gossip/rumors that she has spread.  I can overlook she and Ellen whispering and throwing comments around.  What I can't deal with is someone using the Word of God and the Blessed name of Jesus as a way to show how you "live your life" only to do exactly the opposite of what He would.

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